A Day in the Life of an Over-Educated, Under-Loved Pro-choice Woman

It starts off with an abortion or two

May 8

What many feared and some predicted has just happened.

According to an initial draft document, the US Supreme Court has voted to strike down the landmark Roe v. Wade decision. If it’s overturned, as many as twenty-six states are expected to ban or restrict access to abortion.

And, not surprisingly, many Republican dudes had plenty to say about that and about those crazy pro-choice people who were enraged with the news. Including someone who unironically calls himself ‘Florida man.’

This is what he tweeted a few days ago:

How many of the women rallying against overturning Roe are over-educated, under-loved millennials who sadly return from protests to a lonely microwave dinner with their cats, and no bumble matches?

Right.

I might not be an American, but I do fit that description pretty well.

I’m a Millenial woman. I have a few useless degrees. And a cat. I eat microwave meals. I have a partner, but most of the time, he’s just tired of my bullshit since I care about human rights and other nonsense.

And I, too, have protested against abortion bans a few times before.

We’re a group of lunatics, really.

But wait until you hear how we spend our days.

I start my day with an abortion or two

As soon as I wake up, I text my local abortion provider to schedule a morning baby-murdering session.

It’s become a bit of a ritual for me to kick off my day with something that reminds me I’m a strong, independent woman who can abort a poor, innocent foetus.

Plus, it’s fun to do it.

I’ve had so many abortions that I lost track, but every single one of them made me feel happy and relieved. And ready to go on with my life and get pregnant again, of course.

Birth control?

I don’t know her.

It’s so much more convenient to just murder some babies for the thrill of it instead.

After my morning abortion, I pray to our lord and saviour Satan

On my way back home, I usually pick up some essentials for my morning Satanic ritual — like virgin male tears or baby goats, if they have any in my local grocery store.

And then I pray that the chemicals in the water — the ones that turn the frigging frogs gay — get even more potent and start working on humans.

That would be just amazing, wouldn’t it?

If one day our lord and saviour, Satan, listens to my prayers, we would finally have enough people to create an army of baby-murdering, fruity degenerates and start forcing our lifestyle on everyone else.

You know, the same way Bible-thumping people do.

During lunchtime, I eat my sad microwave meal

My lunch consists of a half bottle of vodka and a soggy vegetable microwave meal most of the days.

Yup, I also don’t eat dead animals.

As if I couldn’t get any crazier, right?

Although I’m not ‘pro-life,’ I actually value all life — human and animal. Well, of course, if you don’t count all the foetuses in my womb I’ve murdered over the years.

And as I eat my sad meal, washed down with some ice-cold vodka, I stare out of the window and think of the good old days before my female expiration date when I was still considered a breedable young woman by all the conservative bros.

Ah, high school was real fun.

In the afternoon, I trash-talk men with my cat

My cat is a female specimen, too.

Obviously.

I would never risk having a higher male-to-female ratio in my household. Oh hell, no. After all, I’m all about female supremacy, enslaving males and such.

And that’s exactly what me and my black cat, Onion, like to discuss the most.

Because she also thinks males are mostly useless. Especially if they don’t have a beard that she can use instead of a scratching post.

I even trained her to attack them if they start talking about crypto, side hustles or trickle-down economics.

Evenings are for crying over a bucket of ice cream

Although my day might seem like fun to some, it can actually get pretty depressing at times.

Because every now and then, I do regret all my crazy life choices. Going to uni. Then going to uni again. And again. Travelling the world. Living in five different countries. Having a career. Then changing a career.

And then changing a career again.

It’s indeed hard to be an over-educated, under-loved pro-choice Millenial woman with a cat.

So sometimes, I do allow myself just to let it all out. And cry over a bucket of ice cream while drinking the remaining half of the bottle of vodka I opened at lunchtime and wonder how different my life could be today if I weren’t brainwashed with all that female empowerment crap so early on.

To think that I could’ve been married at a ripe age of 18, have at least ten kids by now — not by choice, of course — and have just found out that my current pregnancy will kill me if I won’t have an abortion, which obviously I won’t because my husband doesn’t like them.

Oh, well.

Maybe in the next life, I will get this lucky.

If it wasn’t obvious enough, I don’t have abortions every morning.

And contrary to what many ‘pro-lifers’ might claim, women don’t get abortions for fun. Or out of pure convenience.

Abortion is a medical procedure, and sometimes even a life-saving one. And just like many other procedures, it does carrycertain risks, and side effects and so is no substitute for birth control. Which, by the way, is never 100% effective.

But if you really care about bringing the number of abortions down, you can advocate for comprehensive sex education and easy and free access to contraceptives — particularly long-acting and reversible ones.

You know, things that actually do work in reducing abortions.

Unlike abortion bans.

The Noösphere