How Language Bias Instills Gender Stereotypes in Girls As Young as 5
What we say — and don’t say — to kids can have lasting impacts on their lives
One of the phrases I remember most vividly from childhood is ‘unlady-like.’
Running around and getting your dress dirty? Unlady-like. Climbing a fence just like the boys do? Unlady-like. Speaking or laughing loudly, especially in public? Unlady-like. Not smiling at strangers who told you to smile at them? Unlady-like.
Like many other unruly and curious girls, I was schooled by my parents, grandparents, and teachers on what’s ‘unlady-like’ so many times growing up that the phrase remains permanently etched in my mind.
And whenever I do something ‘unlady-like’, a tiny siren still goes off inside my head reminding me to adjust my behaviour. I don’t. I made my peace with being unruly a while ago. (And not long after I punched a boy who bullied me, which adults dismissed as ‘he just does it because he likes you’ nonsense.)
Not all the girls who grow up with rigid gender stereotypes eventually rebel against them, though, which isn’t all that surprising considering how many other elements make up our still heavily gendered world and warn us to be a good girl or else.
But what we say — and don’t say — to kids has a powerful impact on their development and can have long-term consequences on their lives.
That’s also the main finding of a global study published recently by the Lego Group, which looked into societal trends affecting children’s creative confidence. And unsurprisingly, it found that linguistic bias is the strongest when referring to or talking to girls.
I’m not one to praise corporations, but the Danish toy brand Lego has done some pretty important work in recent years in battling gender stereotypes, including committing to remove them from its products and marketing.
Its latest commissioned research, which was carried out by Edelman Data & Intelligence and surveyed over 61,000 parents and children between five and 12 across 36 countries, found, worryingly, that girls’ confidence in their creativity declines as they get older.
At the age of five, 76% of girls said they felt confident about their creativity, but by age 12, this had declined by seven per cent.
According to the study, this is caused by everyday language that makes girls feel less encouraged to experiment and be creative. The results revealed that society is around seven times more likely to attribute terms like ‘sweet’, ‘pretty’, ‘beautiful’, and ‘cute’ to the creative outputs of girls than those of boys. In contrast, terms like ‘brave’, ‘genius’, ‘innovative’, and ‘cool’ are twice as likely to be used for boys’ creations. Two-thirds of the girls surveyed agreed that the language they were exposed to discouraged them from experimenting and risking making mistakes.
And as the research goes on to point out, this then might explain why girls are particularly prone to the pressures of perfectionism, especially as they get older. Nearly four in five girls reported feeling pressured by society’s messages of perfection — although in some countries, like the UK, almost all of the girls reported it — while 74% said they avoid tasks precisely because they are afraid they won’t do them perfectly.
Parents and even boys observe that, too. Over half of all children (65%) felt there was more pressure on girls to be perfect, with 78% of parents agreeing. Most children and parents also agreed that adults tend to listen more to boys’ creative ideas than girls.
The pressure on girls to achieve perfection, as well as the idea that some areas of interest and skills are for boys only, clearly still exist. And language still plays a role in pushing us towards the path we’re ‘supposed’ to take.
But while all of this might seem harmless, it isn’t. Commenting on Lego’s findings, parenting researcher and author Jennifer B Wallace said:
What we say early sets in deep. Biased language reinforces traditional gender roles, which can play a role in limiting girls’ creativity and perpetuating systemic inequalities. It can confine them to narrow categories, such as valuing aesthetics over innovation, (…) hamper girls’ confidence and restrict their opportunities in male-dominated fields.
Wallace also pointed out that creative confidence has been found to be a cornerstone of well-being as it improves self-esteem, reduces stress, and increases overall happiness. According to the World Economic Forum, it’s also among the most essential skills for future workplaces.
Besides, and unfortunately, there are many more examples of biased language in our world that perpetuates outdated gender stereotypes and, ultimately, continues to hold women and girls back.
This is certainly not the first time researchers explored gender differences in language use.
One of the first studies on the topic I came across, conducted in the late 1980s, suggested that this starts before we’re born. When pregnant women knew they were carrying a boy, they described the baby’s movements as ‘very vigorous,’ ‘kicks and punches,’ and ‘a sage of earthquakes.’ However, mothers who learned they were carrying a girl described them as ‘quiet,’ ‘very gentle, more rolling than kicking.’
But, tellingly, when women did not know the sex, their responses showed no stereotypical patterns.
Another seminal study done some years earlier, at the beginning of the 1970s, found that this bias also applies to parents of newborns. If they had a son, they were more likely to describe them as ‘strong,’ ‘active’, and ‘well-coordinated’, whereas daughters as ‘soft,’ ‘awkward,’ and ‘weak’ despite no objective differences between the sexes in weight, length or Apgar scores. Now, keep in mind that we do know babies are extremely sensitive to social cues around them and can spot differences pretty early on — and yes, that applies to newborns, too.
As noted by a myriad of other studies, gender bias is also pervasive in school and education settings, starting as early as in preschool — around the age of 2–5 years old — and continuing up until… sometimes even graduate level.
Just a few months ago, I wrote about how gendered language is used to inaccurately describe the process of human fertilisation. And it’s not just the popular scientific press that’s guilty of perpetuating the trope of the Olympic-style sperm race and the passive egg that’s patiently awaiting to be penetrated. It’s also middle school and high-school biology textbooks and even some medical school-level textbooks. Perhaps ironically, a recent study found that linguistic gender bias is even prevalent in materials taught to undergraduate students in… linguistics. And it found that nothing seems to have changed in that regard in more than 20 years.
Children’s books are another prominent example. One recent study used a machine learning method to analyse over 240 popular, contemporary books for children ages five and above and found that female-associated words focused mainly on affection, school-related words and communication verbs, like ‘listened and ‘explained.’ Meanwhile, male-associated words focused more on professions, tools and transportation.
Overall, there were also more biases across books with female protagonists — more frequently read by girls — than with male protagonists.
What does all of that mean? Well, even when parents and other caregivers try to adopt a more gender-neutral approach and avoid talking to or treating boys and girls differently, that doesn’t mean that the rest of the world won’t do that either. From textbooks, educational materials, and children’s books to clothes slogans and advertisements, kids are primed to associate themselves with different interests and even exhibit different behaviours, creating a gendered world with worrying consequences.
A couple of years ago, the UK charity The Fawcett Society published research showing that exposure to gender stereotypes in early childhood does cause harm in later life — for both women and men. More than half (51%) said it constrained their career choice, and 44% said it harmed their personal relationships.
Among women, slightly over half of all those surveyed (53%) said gender stereotyping had a negative impact on who does the caring in their own family, and nearly all young women — aged between 18–34 — said they felt it restricted their career choices.
Alongside the results of the recently conducted global study, Lego also released a short film, ‘More Than Perfect,’ which shows an experiment among girls and their parents.
In the first challenge, girls are told to build any playground they want with Lego bricks and to make it ‘perfect.’ They are shown visibly hesitating about how to proceed and then anxious about what they’re building. Some even ask their parents for guidance and support.
In the second challenge, they are invited to build any playground they want, but with ‘no right or wrong.’ The outcome is vastly different: they no longer seem to be hesitating or stressing out and instead excitedly rush into working on their creations.
Clearly, even simple tweaks to the language we use around children can already make a big difference. And remove at least some of the pressure both girls and boys grow up with to act in accordance with the world’s preconceived gendered expectations or face ridicule, bullying, or worse.
And while gender biases in everyday language might be difficult to spot sometimes, they aren’t impossible to challenge.
In some cases, the solution is as simple as taking a step back and asking ourselves: why am I using this or that word? Where is this gendered association coming from? Is the trait or behaviour I think of as innate really something that girls or boys are born with, or do I just take note of the times when it’s true?
Because, yes, studies also show that our brains tend to skip stereotype- inconsistent information. This means that if you believe boys are ‘hardwired’ to be loud and run around the whole day, you might overlook the times when that’s not the case.
Sure, some boys just want to run around and be loud, but some don’t.
Just like some girls want to play with dolls, and some others prefer to build cool things. Or play football. Or climb and run around and get dirty in the mud. Or do all of that and more.
And if we want to live in a society where everyone can explore their potential and freely express themselves, this straitjacket of gender stereotypes really has to go, to paraphrase a brilliant quote by the writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
Of course, the language we use towards children, particularly young girls, is merely one element of the issue of gender stereotyping and bias.
There are many structural barriers in place that prevent or punish both children and adults from straying from the categories that have been thrust upon us from birth, just like there are incentives that reward us for complying with them.
But while those aren’t as easy or quick to change, everyday language is.
And that’s something we all can try to be better at.
Thank you for sharing this important message and all the studies related to gendered language. I also found out (from neurodivergent TikTok creators) that women are often under-diagnosed as autistic because they are masking/repressing traits that are deemed "not ladylike". I think that's extremely sad but also harmful.
I liked to collect lizards and had a big pet iguana...un-lady-like. Kathryn Hepburn wore pants!