I’ve been screaming about this all my life. It’s exasperating! We now commonly pay big bucks for things like daycare, elder care, prepared foods and house cleaning— all things women did traditionally that were never valued. It’s not valued until it’s paid for.
Not only is it a mental toll, but it plays a huge physical toll on the body as well which is unfortunately noticed all too late.
An aunt of mine works the same hours as her husband, yet it is she who wakes up every morning to make a meal for the kids for when they get back home from school, she who socializes with HIS family when they come over (he'll scroll on the phone the whole time), she who tutors, she who shops, etc etc. With all this work, her knees have gotten so weak she walks with a great deal of pain. And the worst part is that even with all this work, it's what she doesn't do that gets focused on by her in-laws.
It's so infuriating and sad that stories like these are more common than one may think, yet I have come to the terms that the older generation won't change. The best thing to do is focus on the younger generation of kids, and just as we have been taught in school to look both ways before crossing the road, kids can be taught chores are for everyone and everyone must do their share.
I’m going to ask my lawyer to bring this up in mediation haha! Not only did I contribute financially more than my fair share but also in terms of parenting and household labor. Sorry dude you owe me back pay! And I’ll take it in the form of not giving you half of everything I worked for.
The biggest barrier to monetary compensation for domestic labor is the lack of accurate means of calculating it on a daily basis. Women (and others) do not all perform the same tasks at the same time, and domestic work is rarely tallied as a figure that can be monetized.
But it is VERY obvious, as you say, that it has an uneven gender bias, and that is unlikely to change barring significant social and political change to go with it.
I don’t know about everyone else, but this went stratospheric during lockdowns without the ‘village to raise a child’, which is pretty marginal at the best of times anyway.
I’m a single mom of four kids - all with a variety of diagnoses… and can only marginally manage to work part time.
There was a time, while I was married, that I was working a full time temp job (8 mos) and permanent part time job - and still doing 90% of the domestic labor. Meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, dishes, laundry - kids were my responsibility the second I walked in the door from work. He took them to school and picked them up and that was pretty much it. This is part of the reason I’m divorced.
In the categories listed I don’t see “supervising children” - only emotional care. Before kindergarten a SAHM’s workday starts when the child wakes up and ends when the child goes to bed or when the kitchen is cleaned up, which could be 9pm. Just because you are not doing intensive emotional care does not mean you are not working. You are supervising. If you weren’t, you could leave the house alone and go for a walk.
You are still at attention for the next thing they need. Which is always seconds or minutes away.
I couldn’t shower or check email for 2-ish years per kid until my husband was around or they were asleep.
If a nanny is paid to be in the house and supervise, then it is most certainly work if the parent does it. I worked 14 hour days for a few years per kid. That’s around 98 hours a week. (Weekends of course cease to exist once you become a parent.)
Even before the Industrial Revolution, women still worked at least twice as hard as men though. Ever notice how most anti-modernists and reactionaries and doomers and degrowth zealots are men?
I’ve been screaming about this all my life. It’s exasperating! We now commonly pay big bucks for things like daycare, elder care, prepared foods and house cleaning— all things women did traditionally that were never valued. It’s not valued until it’s paid for.
Not only is it a mental toll, but it plays a huge physical toll on the body as well which is unfortunately noticed all too late.
An aunt of mine works the same hours as her husband, yet it is she who wakes up every morning to make a meal for the kids for when they get back home from school, she who socializes with HIS family when they come over (he'll scroll on the phone the whole time), she who tutors, she who shops, etc etc. With all this work, her knees have gotten so weak she walks with a great deal of pain. And the worst part is that even with all this work, it's what she doesn't do that gets focused on by her in-laws.
It's so infuriating and sad that stories like these are more common than one may think, yet I have come to the terms that the older generation won't change. The best thing to do is focus on the younger generation of kids, and just as we have been taught in school to look both ways before crossing the road, kids can be taught chores are for everyone and everyone must do their share.
I’m going to ask my lawyer to bring this up in mediation haha! Not only did I contribute financially more than my fair share but also in terms of parenting and household labor. Sorry dude you owe me back pay! And I’ll take it in the form of not giving you half of everything I worked for.
Lol reading this as my mother works from home, prepares dinner for tonight AND is doing laundry ALL AT THE SAME TIME…
Of course, "women can have it all. The family and the job" and nobody thought of letting men into the housework sphere.
The biggest barrier to monetary compensation for domestic labor is the lack of accurate means of calculating it on a daily basis. Women (and others) do not all perform the same tasks at the same time, and domestic work is rarely tallied as a figure that can be monetized.
But it is VERY obvious, as you say, that it has an uneven gender bias, and that is unlikely to change barring significant social and political change to go with it.
I don’t know about everyone else, but this went stratospheric during lockdowns without the ‘village to raise a child’, which is pretty marginal at the best of times anyway.
I’m a single mom of four kids - all with a variety of diagnoses… and can only marginally manage to work part time.
There was a time, while I was married, that I was working a full time temp job (8 mos) and permanent part time job - and still doing 90% of the domestic labor. Meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, dishes, laundry - kids were my responsibility the second I walked in the door from work. He took them to school and picked them up and that was pretty much it. This is part of the reason I’m divorced.
All the more reason to go on strike, like the women of Iceland did in 1975.
We needed this 🙏🏻
Fantastic article! Chock full of so much information. Wow. Thank you for writing and sharing this!
Well said!
I love that photo!
In the categories listed I don’t see “supervising children” - only emotional care. Before kindergarten a SAHM’s workday starts when the child wakes up and ends when the child goes to bed or when the kitchen is cleaned up, which could be 9pm. Just because you are not doing intensive emotional care does not mean you are not working. You are supervising. If you weren’t, you could leave the house alone and go for a walk.
You are still at attention for the next thing they need. Which is always seconds or minutes away.
I couldn’t shower or check email for 2-ish years per kid until my husband was around or they were asleep.
If a nanny is paid to be in the house and supervise, then it is most certainly work if the parent does it. I worked 14 hour days for a few years per kid. That’s around 98 hours a week. (Weekends of course cease to exist once you become a parent.)
Even before the Industrial Revolution, women still worked at least twice as hard as men though. Ever notice how most anti-modernists and reactionaries and doomers and degrowth zealots are men?
Isn't the cost of daycare, elder care, prepared food, and house cleaning a result of the Bomal effect?