I love this. People think science and scientists are "liberal" or "progressive" but the biggest and most important bias in science is status-quo bias.
Completely agree that it’s in everyone’s interest to defeat "bullies, tyrants, aggressors, and those who profit from sowing division, whether along lines of gender, race, class, ethnicity, or any other identity."
But I'm currently writing about how it's actually not in most men's best interest to stand up to bullies. Unless you're strong and powerful enough, or have enough men behind you who are, the bully is just going to beat you up, or kill you.
Agree it doesn’t take everyone. But it does require a critical mass. Asking individual men to just reject patriarchy, just perform femininity, without acknowledging the risks and costs to them of doing so, has not been and likely will not be a winning formula.
Yes, but that's why you need your homies, your social network of equals, your clique, your support system. If we can teach men to work on such positive relationships, they won't have to stand alone. The patriarchy thoroughly discourages this. That's the tragedy. Because we need the guys. We need them so badly.
That network is a double edged sword though. If you have a group of men that work together and support each other they can definitely take down bullies, but they can also more effectively bully everyone else if they decide they want to, and they are likely also more effective at enforcing gender roles. My understanding of the past in Anglophone cultures was that men were overall more egalitarian with each other and also more supportive of each other, and also more committed as a whole to ensuring that women could not fully participate in society.
That’s like the idea of “socialism for the rich, capitalism for the poor”. Egalitarianism / handouts / special favours for men and domination / subjugation for everyone else
What an incredible piece of riveting reading. It's so refreshing to be offered a little bit of hope like this, especially to those of us who have become very cynical and wonder if men will ever seek to grow. Let's learn from the wise creatures of this beautiful planet and intentionally support other women wherever we can.
This is a fully-loaded, eye-opening piece, Katie. Thank you for sharing it with us. We're long overdue to reverse the damage the patriarchy has inflicted on society, women, and men who have already refused to follow the script. The bonobos, and nature in general, have paved the way for us to get back on track. We just need to be brave enough, as a collective, to lead the shift to a mature and healthy way of being in this world. This is how we started, naturally. We don't need to reinvent anything to return to harmony...
I love this. It does feel like, in most of the world, women are grouping together online, telling their stories and stating to make a difference. Hopefully this is the start of the Matriarchy :-)
Female bonobos have to band together to stand a chance at fending off more powerful males. Until women band together, there wont be structural female power, and since most families are organized in nuclear heterosexual families, I don't see women standing against their male partner in favor of other women. We would have to completely reorganize society into female klans, from which men come and go. Not sure that would be a better arrangement.
There's also plenty of fighting within the feminist movement, and it seems necessary, since many things that claim to be feminist in progressive circles, is seen as harmful in radical circles. From my personal experience, I don't expect women to be making any great strides forward until society as a whole learns to counteract divisions sown by media and politicians. Maybe if we all scrapped the internet and just payed attention to our own small community, things would get better.
Very diplomatic comment. If women vacate relationships with men en masse, men’s dependency on women will be laid bare. Men won’t have another woman-appliance to turn to when the previous woman-appliance divorces his behind. With no possibility of substitution, men will have to confront how desperately they need us, how many free “goods and services” we have been providing - reproductive labour, emotional labour, intellectual labour, sexual labour, household labour - with grossly inadequate reciprocation (at best) and outright harm/rape/murder (at worst).
Women going on strike for “collective bargaining” is one option. That may help us achieve more care, dignity, respect, reciprocity, accountability, repair/compensation for the hours and years of lost time, lost dreams, poor health, missed sleep, lack of affection and extreme distress.
Or just vacate the relationships and build our own communities and don’t bother with demanding anything from men except to leave us alone. That might not create change but at least we won’t lose our sanity in fighting/trying and at least we still one another, a well organised home, and peace and quiet lol
Completely agree with all of this. What worries me is this is kind of sort of already happening a little bit - not that much or nearly enough - and the men are responding with violence. Or at least that's how I interpret the rise of patriarchal right-wing governments. So my question is what's next. Do the men win because they're violent, and if not, how does it resolve itself. I think you're completely right but the men are reacting very badly to the 'leave [women] alone' part.
Only if there’s an all out war. Don’t think it’ll come to that because let’s face it, to feed and clothe and care for an army, you need cooking skills, cleaning skills, organisational skills, attention to detail (small mistakes can be fatal - in the home with a newborn and on the battlefield)…and most men do not have these skills while most women do. It’s not just about who’s got the monopoly on violence. It’s also about who has skills in logistics, organisation, keeping people fed and clean etc. The men would die of loneliness (because they put zero effort into their relationships) and lack of sex anyway before they can get to the point of firing anything lol
Calling primates matriarchal is using human ideas to explain animal behavior. And exposes our own biases. The only successful society is the one in which all members are cared for and all members contribute in the ways they are best able to. No arbitrary gender assignment of duties. No arbitrary assignment of any kind. Natural, organic. Everything we have failed to do.
ur writing is beautiful omg💓✨🩷❣️🐞i wld love if u cld feedback my piece as i’ve started writing again also i was thinking to have a writers chat wld be fun so let me know if u wld wanna be a part of it🙂↕️🙂↕️💓
I love this. People think science and scientists are "liberal" or "progressive" but the biggest and most important bias in science is status-quo bias.
Completely agree that it’s in everyone’s interest to defeat "bullies, tyrants, aggressors, and those who profit from sowing division, whether along lines of gender, race, class, ethnicity, or any other identity."
But I'm currently writing about how it's actually not in most men's best interest to stand up to bullies. Unless you're strong and powerful enough, or have enough men behind you who are, the bully is just going to beat you up, or kill you.
Agree it doesn’t take everyone. But it does require a critical mass. Asking individual men to just reject patriarchy, just perform femininity, without acknowledging the risks and costs to them of doing so, has not been and likely will not be a winning formula.
Yes, but that's why you need your homies, your social network of equals, your clique, your support system. If we can teach men to work on such positive relationships, they won't have to stand alone. The patriarchy thoroughly discourages this. That's the tragedy. Because we need the guys. We need them so badly.
That network is a double edged sword though. If you have a group of men that work together and support each other they can definitely take down bullies, but they can also more effectively bully everyone else if they decide they want to, and they are likely also more effective at enforcing gender roles. My understanding of the past in Anglophone cultures was that men were overall more egalitarian with each other and also more supportive of each other, and also more committed as a whole to ensuring that women could not fully participate in society.
That’s like the idea of “socialism for the rich, capitalism for the poor”. Egalitarianism / handouts / special favours for men and domination / subjugation for everyone else
Wow. Thank you 😊.
What an incredible piece of riveting reading. It's so refreshing to be offered a little bit of hope like this, especially to those of us who have become very cynical and wonder if men will ever seek to grow. Let's learn from the wise creatures of this beautiful planet and intentionally support other women wherever we can.
I love your writing so much.
That’s so kind of you to say, thank you! I appreciate it a lot.
This is a fully-loaded, eye-opening piece, Katie. Thank you for sharing it with us. We're long overdue to reverse the damage the patriarchy has inflicted on society, women, and men who have already refused to follow the script. The bonobos, and nature in general, have paved the way for us to get back on track. We just need to be brave enough, as a collective, to lead the shift to a mature and healthy way of being in this world. This is how we started, naturally. We don't need to reinvent anything to return to harmony...
Thank you!! Yup, we’ve had the blueprint all along. It's about time we start trusting it again.
So, groups of "older, often unrelated " females keep the troupe peaceful and fed. Can you say, "Grandmothers"?
You definitely could, although not all females have offspring.
"Unrelated"-- possibly not having any offspring of their own.
I love this. It does feel like, in most of the world, women are grouping together online, telling their stories and stating to make a difference. Hopefully this is the start of the Matriarchy :-)
This essay makes me so glad that I subscribed. Brilliant, well written, so applicable to our current circumstances---thank you!
That means so much — thank you for reading and supporting!
Amen. Very well said!
Thank you!
Fascinating stuff!
Thank you, Ali! It really is!
Female bonobos have to band together to stand a chance at fending off more powerful males. Until women band together, there wont be structural female power, and since most families are organized in nuclear heterosexual families, I don't see women standing against their male partner in favor of other women. We would have to completely reorganize society into female klans, from which men come and go. Not sure that would be a better arrangement.
There's also plenty of fighting within the feminist movement, and it seems necessary, since many things that claim to be feminist in progressive circles, is seen as harmful in radical circles. From my personal experience, I don't expect women to be making any great strides forward until society as a whole learns to counteract divisions sown by media and politicians. Maybe if we all scrapped the internet and just payed attention to our own small community, things would get better.
Very diplomatic comment. If women vacate relationships with men en masse, men’s dependency on women will be laid bare. Men won’t have another woman-appliance to turn to when the previous woman-appliance divorces his behind. With no possibility of substitution, men will have to confront how desperately they need us, how many free “goods and services” we have been providing - reproductive labour, emotional labour, intellectual labour, sexual labour, household labour - with grossly inadequate reciprocation (at best) and outright harm/rape/murder (at worst).
Women going on strike for “collective bargaining” is one option. That may help us achieve more care, dignity, respect, reciprocity, accountability, repair/compensation for the hours and years of lost time, lost dreams, poor health, missed sleep, lack of affection and extreme distress.
Or just vacate the relationships and build our own communities and don’t bother with demanding anything from men except to leave us alone. That might not create change but at least we won’t lose our sanity in fighting/trying and at least we still one another, a well organised home, and peace and quiet lol
Completely agree with all of this. What worries me is this is kind of sort of already happening a little bit - not that much or nearly enough - and the men are responding with violence. Or at least that's how I interpret the rise of patriarchal right-wing governments. So my question is what's next. Do the men win because they're violent, and if not, how does it resolve itself. I think you're completely right but the men are reacting very badly to the 'leave [women] alone' part.
Only if there’s an all out war. Don’t think it’ll come to that because let’s face it, to feed and clothe and care for an army, you need cooking skills, cleaning skills, organisational skills, attention to detail (small mistakes can be fatal - in the home with a newborn and on the battlefield)…and most men do not have these skills while most women do. It’s not just about who’s got the monopoly on violence. It’s also about who has skills in logistics, organisation, keeping people fed and clean etc. The men would die of loneliness (because they put zero effort into their relationships) and lack of sex anyway before they can get to the point of firing anything lol
Calling primates matriarchal is using human ideas to explain animal behavior. And exposes our own biases. The only successful society is the one in which all members are cared for and all members contribute in the ways they are best able to. No arbitrary gender assignment of duties. No arbitrary assignment of any kind. Natural, organic. Everything we have failed to do.
Wonderful piece of work.
But in exchange male bonobos don't help raise their children
At no point did I make that claim. Also, it's not true.
The paternal involvement of male bonobos is very low compared to chimpanzees
ur writing is beautiful omg💓✨🩷❣️🐞i wld love if u cld feedback my piece as i’ve started writing again also i was thinking to have a writers chat wld be fun so let me know if u wld wanna be a part of it🙂↕️🙂↕️💓